Tuesday, December 29, 2009


total shock.
Beta 271


I cant even believe it! I had absolutely no symptoms or indications that i could even be pregnant! I was SURE that this was a bust! I was calculating how many more semesters of student loans I would have to get before I could try next time! I had researched all over the Internet to try and find someone who had no symptoms and still came out with a positive beta... let me tell ya, there were slim pickins' so this post will be for those who googled "no symptoms BFP" or "no symptoms positive beta" because that's me! OK. now I'm just rambling, I am so excited and shocked! really.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Beta Eve

twas the night before beta
and all through my body,
not a creature was stirring,
not even the three potential babies in my belly.

OK, you get where I'm going with this....

Tomorrow is the big day! I have not taken a home test yet, out of pure fear that once I see a negative it is over! so I am going to leave my fate to the nurse who dares call me tomorrow to give me my results. I really don't "feel" anything! i have a backache, but I am sure that is due to all the packing I have been doing for our move this Saturday. so now I will just try to be calm, think positive thoughts, remain hopeful and try not to freak out too much!

here we go!
if you pray... now is the time to do it!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009


So I'm a little down today, in more ways than one. I have been felling pretty large in the belly with hyperstimulation which on one hand was a bummer because it was very uncomfortable but I was told by the nurses, that that could be a good sign because hyperstimulation symptoms worsen with pregnancy, and my last successful in-vitro I had it and, well, it worked! so although the hyperstimulaton wasn't something I would wish on anyone, it gave me a little hope that this was going to work this time. Well, ANYWAY, I woke up this morning and my stomach size and dramatically decreased!? like really! by like 4 inches! so now although I am not one to complain about a shrinking waistline... I am complaining!!! I feel like all hope is lost right now because wouldn't it get worse if my body was putting out pregnancy hormones right now? maybe I am just over analyzing the whole thing. Russ told me today as I was venting to him about this "it's ok. you still look pregnant to me." thanks?

Monday, December 21, 2009

orange sized ovaries

So I went in to get an ultrasound today just to make sure that my bloated belly was not to dangerous, and everything checked out OK, there was definitely fluid in there, but not a harmful amount. However! the Dr. informed me that my ovaries are the size of ORANGES! so that explains why I look like I am 6 months pregnant! and why I feel like my back is breaking! he also said that the blister on my belly button (which is now totally bruised all around it) is due to the pressure of my insides pushing outward. whenever I leave the house and go out in public I fear that someone is going to ask me how far along I am! I probably feel alot bigger than I actually look...maybe?

no other significant changes. I am 4dp2dt and I have felt a few cramping twinges tonight, maybe implantation? i can hope!

Sunday, December 20, 2009


This is weird....
I have this weird blood blister thing on the INSIDE of my belly button? i have tried to google it, and see if anyone else has experienced something like this and found nothing!? so if any fellow IVF-ers out there have heard of anything like this please do tell! I think i will call Dr. Marrs tomorrow and see if he knows anything about this!

Other than that... I am still really full in the belly and VERY sore in the ovaries and back! i feel a little nauseous at times but i think that is due to my belly being full of fluid and large ovaries?

I am still very emotional, but a little optimistic? just a little. I asked Auggie today if he wanted mommy to have more babies and he said "ya" and then i asked how many? and he said "two" (two being the only number he knows right now.... but we can just think that he really knows the future of our family right?) and then i said are they girls or boys? and he said "kitties!" (and proceeded to meow like a cat) so maybe he doesn't know as much as i think he did? good times.

I am very thankful for all the distractions going on this week. Tomorrow is Russ' birthday! and then we have all the exciting Christmas events the rest of the week! and then the Big blood test on the 29th!


Friday, December 18, 2009


(one day past two day transfer)

Can you say emotional wreck? we have decided not to freeze the remaining embryos. we weighed out our options and due to the last two failed frozen cycles we felt that if this doesn't work this time, we would probably want to do another fresh cycle and not waste our money on another frozen which our Dr said would be a much lower success rate than a fresh cycle. this was a very hard decision for us. but i feel like it is our way of saying "OK, Lord, we are putting our complete faith in this and trust that if this is whats meant to be for us right now, then so be it!" this is not the easiest decision to make while you are pumping your body full of extra hormones.

I am trying really hard to stay in my bed for the full 36 hours that they suggested for the bed rest. (besides going to see Milo's Christmas program at school...who could resist!?) this is an extremely difficult thing for me to do! i can see things lying on the floor, and can just imagine how exciting it would be to pick them up and vacuum some nice clean lines into the carpet! HEAVEN!!! but, no. because with everyone of those thoughts comes the thought of "would that be worth jeopardizing the growth of our three potential children?!" NO. it would not. so I lie here, switching from side to side because if i lay on my back then the weight of all the fluid in my abdomen causes me to feel super nauseous and ill. and i go through moments of fear, what if this doesn't work this time? and i am lying here sobbing thinking of how i will take the news if it is negative, and on the other hand i get really excited thinking about the possibility of adding more children to our future! and i cry over that as well! so basically i cry all day long! and poor Russ. bless his heart. he really is doing well at juggling his job, school, the kids and the worlds most emotional wife all at the same time! I am so blessed to have such a supportive group of Friends and family to help me through this. THANK YOU!

Thursday, December 17, 2009

whats new?

All of our time, energy and money has pretty much been focused on this
(oh ya, and finals too!)

3's a crowd

so the embryo transfer is complete, the Valium has slowly wore off and i am lying here in bed with my stomach full of fluid (due to hyper stimulation) and full of embryos (3 to be exact!) now i just wait.... and wait...and wait.... I have vowed to myself to no get out of bed at all this time (except to use the bathroom) so i am going to have Russ get me some movies and have a mini movie marathon here in my bed. everything went better than i even imagined at the transfer today! i am feeling very hopeful that at least ONE of those little embryos can stick!




say this works this time.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Big Day!

So tomorrow is the big Egg Retrieval day! I am so anxious I cant even stand it! we know now that I have a TON of follicles (around 60!) but the big question is, how many of those have good eggs in them? we will find out tomorrow! then hopefully the 2 best ones will go back in on Thursday!

Friday, December 4, 2009

I heart needles in my stomach

So, I got an ultrasound and hormone blood work on Wednesday, and they said they everything looked good, so we are OK to start all the stimulation medication now! they said I have a TON of follicles so far (like over 30!) so hopefully all these shots I am doing now will help all those follicles grow into big strong eggs! I had forgotten how bad the bravelle stings as it is going in! OUCH! o-well, it will all be worth it in the end.... i hope. I go back in on Monday to get another ultrasound and Blood work till then I will just continue to stab my self in the stomach every night! hooray for me!
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