Friday, December 19, 2008

I'm losing my MIND!

3 days down, 8 more days till test!

I have officially over-researched this whole thing! I have googled my brains out! and have come up more lost than when I started! it's just amazing to me how many other people are going through this same thing. it's actually kind of depressing. besides m fragile mental state, all is "well" and by "well" I mean, I am feeling nothing! not one little sign that could give me any sort of direction on how I should be feeling. I have put op pictures of the Little embryos all around the house with little thoughts of encouragement written on them, Milo is so cute, he always prays for them in his prayers, he blesses them to "hatch" and "grow big". poor little guy, has had to hear more female medical lingo than most 6 year olds. Russ is being really supportive, he hangs on to the emotional roller coaster that I take the family on everyday. I sometimes think, hmmm, I wonder if he stares at the pictures of our embryos all day, saying to himself "please work, please work, please work" and if he does, is it only because he hates he meltdown that occurs after the big negative? or does he truly want this as much as I do? But I know he really wants more children, I just don't thin k he thought it would be such a struggle and hormonal battle to do so! well guess what... me neither! But We do what we got to do.

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