no news is good news... right?

WRONG!

My delay of entry wasn't because I was to busy celebrating, that I didn't have a chance to update the blog. In fact, it was quite opposite. I received the call from the Dr.'s Office yesterday stating that my test was negative, last time, they informed me that my levels were "less than 1" But not this time, no, no, no, I didn't get the pleasure of even having a number this time, that's right, a big fat ZERO! so basically not a chance on earth that i could possibly be pregnant.

as for plans for the future... who knows? those were are last frozen embryos, and to start fresh again, I am going to need to come up with about 15.000.00$. so if any one has any brilliant ideas, on how to raise money (preferably legally, but if not O-well) or to magically get pregnant, I am up for them! bring it on.

sincerely,

depressed and confused.

Milo's Wish

We Went to the mall today, and Milo found a penny on the ground. He wanted to go throw it in the fountain to make a wish, when we got to the fountain he found the perfect spot to throw it, he pondered for a minute and then I heard him whisper " I wish for the embryos to work" and threw his penny in. My heart just melted, of all the things a 6 year old could wish for...





I wish for that too.





tomorrow is the big day! my mind is telling me, whatever the outcome, it is what was meant to be. But, my heart is saying PLEASE let this be it!

Russ' Birthday Celebration Week!

Rusty turned the big 32 this week! he has one of those dreaded December Birthdays where he always gets the good ol' "this is for your birthday AND Christmas" gift. So we had a full week of celebrating for him so he would feel special.

We started out with a party at our house with my side of the Family, where Russ served up some of his famous favorite desert, Chocolate Waffles! mmmmm!

I can never get him to be serious...

Next we had a little Friend get together at Russ' restaurant of choice, which of course was Chili's (he cant pass up on a good burger)

"the gang"


James and Anne

What would a party be without Matt and Alissa?

John And Dia...

Darrin and Darcie and there newest addition (#5!)

Last but not least... Andy (minus his better half, We missed you Whit!)

once again.... not a serious face.

And to top it all off, we wrapped up the week with a party at the Lowry House which is always filled with good food and Fun!

Finally a "normal" face!

Happy Birthday Rusty! We Love You!


I just had to put this picture in because of Auggies poor face! he is walking/falling so much he looks like he's been beat up! poor guy!

6dp5dt

I don't know who even reads this blog? But if you do, i apologize for all the "ho-hummness" I am kind of a waste of a human being right now, my whole self is being consumed with thoughts of those little embryos. I really need to focus on something else, or my family just might send me to the loony bin.

However, I am pretty proud of myself for not doing a home test yet. I have two sitting in the drawer, but i am so afraid that it will be negative, that I would like to hold on to this "hope" just a little longer before having a huge meltdown. Besides, it's almost Christmas, so i don't think it would be wise to be Debbie downer all Christmas long, it just wouldn't be fair to my family. But really... I am not too hopeful, I really have no symptoms whatsoever! nothing. I wish I just had a little something to show that things were moving down there! ANYTHING! So here I am, Wishing, Waiting, Hoping, Praying, for a true Christmas miracle. 5 more days to go...

I'm losing my MIND!

3 days down, 8 more days till test!

I have officially over-researched this whole thing! I have googled my brains out! and have come up more lost than when I started! it's just amazing to me how many other people are going through this same thing. it's actually kind of depressing. besides m fragile mental state, all is "well" and by "well" I mean, I am feeling nothing! not one little sign that could give me any sort of direction on how I should be feeling. I have put op pictures of the Little embryos all around the house with little thoughts of encouragement written on them, Milo is so cute, he always prays for them in his prayers, he blesses them to "hatch" and "grow big". poor little guy, has had to hear more female medical lingo than most 6 year olds. Russ is being really supportive, he hangs on to the emotional roller coaster that I take the family on everyday. I sometimes think, hmmm, I wonder if he stares at the pictures of our embryos all day, saying to himself "please work, please work, please work" and if he does, is it only because he hates he meltdown that occurs after the big negative? or does he truly want this as much as I do? But I know he really wants more children, I just don't thin k he thought it would be such a struggle and hormonal battle to do so! well guess what... me neither! But We do what we got to do.

Say hello to my little friends...

So here they are, my new house guests. I hope to make them feel comfortable, so they will want to nuzzle up for a few months and make a home. The transfer went well today. I was a little anxious when I woke up to the snow this morning, and it doesn't help to have the thought weighing in the back of my mind that this is it! these are the last two frozen embryos we have! But over all I was feeling pretty positive. the only bump in the whole procedure was my bladder! I was told to go in with a full bladder. well once we got there things were a little behind, so by the time that we actually went into the procedure room, I was ready to BURST! so it made it very uncomfortable! I was suppose to lay there for at least 15 minutes after the transfer, but after about 5 minutes, i couldn't take it anymore, I bolted for the bathroom! So despite that little incident, every thing went good. Now all there is to do is keep up on all the shots and pills, and WAIT! simple, right? I will keep an update of the wretched wait. at least I have the holidays to help with my every second obsessing....NOT!

Ready to go...

I went in to the office today for my final check before the Embryo transfer. Everything was great! they checked my lining to see the thickness, and they want it to be anything greater than 6. and mine was at 12! so we are right on track to do the transfer this Tuesday! I start the dreaded progesterone shots tonight, and go in on Tuesday morning for transfer! It has come so quick! I am trying to keep really positive, and know that everything will work out, just as it is suppose to. Right? I might need a lot of reminding in the next few weeks...

Where do I begin?.....

I have been a major blog slacker! (sorry summer) Life has just been going by so fast, i feel like I haven't had a second to catch-up, so here it is... this is a jumbled mess of what we have been up to for the last few weeks.

First, The annual Gingerbread House

Every year Russ' mom does this amazing gingerbread house, and let's all the kids decorate it. usually all the kids have been to young so it ends up being an adult activity. But this year the kids were a perfect age to help out, and ended up doing most of it themselves! it turned out a huge success as always!

Uncle Jeffy carefully placing the chocolate chimney bricks...

Me, in charge of the frosting bag! whoo hoo!

Rusty and Paul doing the daddy day care for the little guys.

All the proud kids and the finished product.

Next, Milo has been loosing teeth!

this is a picture of him right after he lost one of his big front teeth...

And this is a picture of him after he lost his OTHER front tooth! I cant help but chuckle when i look at his silly little smile! now he can really sing "All I want for Christmas, is my two front teeth!"

Temple Square.

We Decided to go see the lights at Temple Square while the weather was still a little bit warm, Although Jeffy must have thought it was a little warmer than it really was, he was wearing SHORTS and FLIP FLOPS! everyone was looking at him like he was crazy!

And last but not least...

Auggie is Walking! He is walking everywhere, and into everything! he falls down a bit, but it doesn't phase him, he just gets back up and keeps going! he really is getting to be alot of fun, but he really knows how to razz up Milo. Poor Milo, went from being a calm and quiet only child to a big bully for a little brother!

Trouble!

I took Aug on the carousel at the mall, they only let us ride on the handicap seat because they said he was to small for the horses? He still had fun.