Sunday, December 28, 2008
My delay of entry wasn't because I was to busy celebrating, that I didn't have a chance to update the blog. In fact, it was quite opposite. I received the call from the Dr.'s Office yesterday stating that my test was negative, last time, they informed me that my levels were "less than 1" But not this time, no, no, no, I didn't get the pleasure of even having a number this time, that's right, a big fat ZERO! so basically not a chance on earth that i could possibly be pregnant.
as for plans for the future... who knows? those were are last frozen embryos, and to start fresh again, I am going to need to come up with about 15.000.00$. so if any one has any brilliant ideas, on how to raise money (preferably legally, but if not O-well) or to magically get pregnant, I am up for them! bring it on.
depressed and confused.
Friday, December 26, 2008
I wish for that too.
tomorrow is the big day! my mind is telling me, whatever the outcome, it is what was meant to be. But, my heart is saying PLEASE let this be it!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
We started out with a party at our house with my side of the Family, where Russ served up some of his famous favorite desert, Chocolate Waffles! mmmmm!
Next we had a little Friend get together at Russ' restaurant of choice, which of course was Chili's (he cant pass up on a good burger)
Monday, December 22, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
3 days down, 8 more days till test!
I have officially over-researched this whole thing! I have googled my brains out! and have come up more lost than when I started! it's just amazing to me how many other people are going through this same thing. it's actually kind of depressing. besides m fragile mental state, all is "well" and by "well" I mean, I am feeling nothing! not one little sign that could give me any sort of direction on how I should be feeling. I have put op pictures of the Little embryos all around the house with little thoughts of encouragement written on them, Milo is so cute, he always prays for them in his prayers, he blesses them to "hatch" and "grow big". poor little guy, has had to hear more female medical lingo than most 6 year olds. Russ is being really supportive, he hangs on to the emotional roller coaster that I take the family on everyday. I sometimes think, hmmm, I wonder if he stares at the pictures of our embryos all day, saying to himself "please work, please work, please work" and if he does, is it only because he hates he meltdown that occurs after the big negative? or does he truly want this as much as I do? But I know he really wants more children, I just don't thin k he thought it would be such a struggle and hormonal battle to do so! well guess what... me neither! But We do what we got to do.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
So here they are, my new house guests. I hope to make them feel comfortable, so they will want to nuzzle up for a few months and make a home. The transfer went well today. I was a little anxious when I woke up to the snow this morning, and it doesn't help to have the thought weighing in the back of my mind that this is it! these are the last two frozen embryos we have! But over all I was feeling pretty positive. the only bump in the whole procedure was my bladder! I was told to go in with a full bladder. well once we got there things were a little behind, so by the time that we actually went into the procedure room, I was ready to BURST! so it made it very uncomfortable! I was suppose to lay there for at least 15 minutes after the transfer, but after about 5 minutes, i couldn't take it anymore, I bolted for the bathroom! So despite that little incident, every thing went good. Now all there is to do is keep up on all the shots and pills, and WAIT! simple, right? I will keep an update of the wretched wait. at least I have the holidays to help with my every second obsessing....NOT!